I want awareness. I’ve lost so much trust. He had to register at every place he lived and a chance of ever having a normal life was out of sight for him . …Ive grown up with him. Can a person who’s been sexually abused as a baby. sometimes the urges, voice or instinct that seems so impossible to go against is well really somehow connected to u in ways that u may not see. Yourself! He was born in 1937. Unless they are stopped by someone else, before they get there. Often, just having more information can diminish those feelings. I had moved to a new place after dislosure to rebuild my life, yet all the time police would visit, make insinuations and continuously talk about relationships and disclosure, I knew then that living in the UK was impossible and went into a shell of drug use and lonesomeness at which point I used pornography much more frequently. Mostly for questions that needed answering. I hope your husband will take responsibility for his actions and seek help. He has been locked up since I was 14. Your children are always your first priority. The treatment has been shown to greatly reduce sexual desire in men who are attracted to children and to lower rates of recidivism. He Grew up all screwed up. As pedophilia is increasingly understood to be a fixed sexual orientation, any treatment should involve some form of lifetime monitoring and counseling. As a mental health professional I have seen how challenging this is to address, with society’s great hostility/hate toward child molesters making it hard for this to be addressed therapeutically. We do have a weekly column in which therapists answer readers’ questions, called Dear GoodTherapy.org. Whether they may hope or even plan to re-offend, some convicted child molesters may never gain a ripe opportunity. Thanks for the suggestion. I think I didn’t want to see the truth. To Liz, A forensic interview will most likely happen. Chemical castration is one method that may keep child molesters from reoffending. I feel comfortable with the one I have (it took time with her for me to get to this point), but now they are talking about switching me to a different one. Beaten and traumatized by other family members while growing up, Just change? It is proven fact that child molesters and pedophiles can not be rehabilitated!!! I thank god for the VA, otherwise I don’t know what I would do. Who know what they did was evil and wrong and yet have to go on living even though they wanted to kill themself (yes my father thought of killing himself more than once). According to research I’ve done and reading reports by the FBI, most child molesters commit an average of 117 sex crimes before they are caught- and most child molesters are never charged, arrested or convicted. They're subhuman scum and should be regarded as such. minimum of $20 a session. Judicial system doesn’t care about it’s citizens and eggs them on to commit crimes. Im a level 3 even though I NEVER had any sex or their never came off. With me and my “dad”… we are not a family. If they are apprehended at a young age, intense rehabilitation has been found to have success. If anyone out there has a boyfriend or husband that has harmed your kids or you- my advice is to run and never look back. A week ago i found what appeared to be a journal entry of boyfriend he admitted cheatin on me w/women, men and playing w/my daughter, niece, neighbors daughter in private area i am now being charged w/assault my ex prior to did but i dumped the guy we were abt to get married in june i cant believe it still even though facts dont lie i didnt protect my kids & how come i didnt see it. The prison system is awful! He was convicted of molesting his own daughter, from ages of 9-13. Yes u do! He molested our daughters, and I found out two years ago from his sister that he had molested her when he was a teenager babysitting her. I was like you and used to think these people should be in jail for the rest of their lives but now I am not so sure. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. In some ways I am relieved. If you feel that this is your calling, to rehab these sick minds, then feel free to do it. I am in a relationship with a man the same age as myself and me not working has caused a big strain on our finances. i dont think Felony Prisoners are allowed to have like Viagra anymore (especially after the fucking little episode with that ( ) known as Chelsea something . He should have thought of that before he did that to me. I blame no one else for my act. Our mind can be a very powerful thing and when it comes to certain thoughts it can be debilitating. My Ex-husband was diagnosed with several types of mental illness and I loved him anyway. Things I never did… its still no excuse. Don't panic! I’m sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. Retrieved from http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/12/06/what-science-reveals-about-pedophilia.html. “they know about patient confidentiality they have no excuses”. They should loose all their rights especially when they hurt and manipulate a child. It was sort of like my sexual taste and desires had gotten stalled at that age. see u control in to go in u let it. To greyman, it was a very stressful time 4 us all. I’ve cycled thru many emotions. he wishes he’d come forward before he hurt our son. That is a PROVEN FACT! When treated in prevention programs, they have a recidivism rate of 14 percent, which is lower than their untreated counterparts, who have a recidivism rate of 26 percent, according to a 1999 meta-analysis. You were mentioning that you are finding it hard to forgive yourself, Would you say that this is causing you a lot stress, maybe it gets to a time we have to start forgiving ourself, treating ourselves with a little compassion. some ways I still miss the man I thought he was. However, when someone is involuntarily enrolled into group therapy and has no particular desire to stop offending, a support group can become a different environment. I uncovered some secrets that should not have been kept in his family. They may wish to attend therapy, explore ways to curb their desires, or take medication. Well,My ex- husband was arrested in Aug. 2013 and sentenced on a lesser charge of indiscent behavior of a minor under the age of 13, in april 2015. my son was 8 at the time and was diagnosed with Autism at age 3. Most of these people have mental disorders and let me tell you prison is NOT the answer! He failed us! We can’t say why, however, because this wasn’t a treatment study. The problem is that the method they used to categorize people with pedophilic interests has never been shown to be valid. That was almost 20 years ago. Stop wasting time and money on jail sentencing!! But she told me that her step dad touch her private,my sister ask hem to leave we didn’t make a report or anything,a week past and I thought my sister was going to do something and she didn’t that happend a sunday and by the next Saturday my sister was sleeping with hem again but in he’s house,well time past and then we find out she got pregnant from the same guy,my niece used to cry with me,or text me saying do something I don’t know what my mom is thinking and stuff like that so I felt so bad for my niece but still don’t do anything I was afraid to get my sister in trouble with CPS..well I went to a trip I took her kids with me including my niece of course,when we came back she already had the newborn baby and this guy living back at the house,my niece went to school and said everything to her counselor,when they told her that they can take the kids away from her mom she felt bad and said I forse her to do it when is not true,well she went back home,saw her mom crying and felt guilty now my sister ask her to go back to her counselor and say she lied about the child molester,my consern is I know now this guy smokes meth what should I do? I know this really is not the place to talk about ocd as such but I felt that it kind of relates in terms of feeling certain urges to do things. But statistics say that 96 % of molesters who are in the system are NOT repeat offenders. I wasn’t out stalking kids at play grounds I didn’t kidnap any kid torture them and than kill them I didn’t do that. Look we all have this battle between good and evil inside of us. I think that any of us with half a brain think that you should just lock them up and throw away the key. I have always considered harming a child the only unforgivable thing. If you don’t mind me asking how is your ex husband getting on now Shandell is he able to open up to people if he is in distress? All I can do is pray 4 the change I have been waiting on. I only found out about what had happened to my cousin after my dad died. I’ve even had it happen in my apartment complex. And that is why anger wont fix any kind of evil. But after really thinking about it, he should be the one doing all the worrying. Long post…just stuff I had to take off my chest…. However just know that you are doing this without the blessing and encouragement of most of the rest of the sane society members. So why let that kind of responsibility with me? I knew deep down that this is something I would never act on. Cantor is basically saying [to pedophiles] ‘your interests will never change so suck it up and learn to live without sex.’ [Our] approach is to say ‘there is hope that you can have non-harmful, sexual interests and a healthy, happy, lawful sex life.’”, He went on to ask, “which approach is more likely to succeed? With this kind of record it is very difficult and almost impossible for these people to get jobs when they get out. Where did I get my information? Which is y it is so important that ur best side the good side keeps leading u. It’s about your victim and their family and the lives you ruined. A recently published paper claiming pedophiles can be cured does a disservice to people who need treatment. If we do find ourselves getting caught up on the past so to say we probably won’t advance forward. He was never a good father! I found out my husband after 10 years of marriage was involved in this very situation. My son will need all the help he can get. Pedophilia, the sexual attraction to children who have not yet reached puberty, remains a vexing challenge for clinicians and public officials. I suffer from ocd harm related thoughts and my chances of acting out the thought is very low but I do find it interesting talking to someone who is maybe on the other side of it so to say. I met him when i was barely 20, had 6 kids with him. Society will judge them a hell o a lot more of they take action on their impulses rather than seek help. B ut most convicted child molesters are not in fact serial offenders. No, rapists cannot change their “character” or whatever compels them to … If someone with actual mental health problems acted on their thoughts I don’t think castration would help even though I do think it is a good idea but not if the actual person suffered from mental health problems because that tends to me that it was not their sexaul desire but a rather screwed up mind. Sadly, due to the deception involved in committing these crimes and lack of remorse, I do not believe child molesters can ever be rehabilitated. I got diagnosed with ocd but at times I feel as it might not be ocd and I will act on them which scares me a lot. I had my dad locked up in La. U must understand that u allow these things in ur heart to control u, which is YOU…. Fighting Words is Tonic's opinion column. Child molestation is a very serious sex crime that can expose a defendant to extended jail time and a lifetime of stigma. I’m in the UK so unsure how the mental health system will work in america. He was trying so hard to prove to everyone that he is not that horrible person. I have always liked teenage boys since I was a teenager. I hate hate, Can I report someone I know he is a child molester and I just found out he has a son can I report him because I don’t believe child molesters can be helped and should he be allowed to be around or his son or in his care not sure if the mother of his child knows his history on who he is thank you, This same loser raped me too I don’t think he can be helped. He has never said he was sorry or ever shown any remorse. In a back-and-forth series of commentaries authored by Cantor and Fedoroff just published in the journal Current Sexual Health Reports, Cantor highlights major shortcomings in the 2014 study suggesting that pedophilia is changeable. My mind keeps telling me to do bad things, this is pure hell living with a mental illness that tells you to do very bad things. He is begging me to forgive him and that he has been working so hard to be a better person. Never saw it coming. Thanks for sharing. So going to a therapist is a real concern for an offender. Specially trained people will gather evidence to prove if any indecent behavior was done to the child. My mother found out what happened in around 1991 or 1992. I think that tends to be a very important point is if we get that connection with the therapist we are seeing as it means that we can express our worries or whats on our mind a bit better. Therapy is a really good thing, I remember being able to express my worries without being judged and also received some CBT which was to try to change my thinking about things. With some I believe its a learned behavior. at fist we wrote back and forth. So convinced of this idea is Fedoroff that he recently said in a book: “Now I routinely tell new patients [with pedophilia] that their prognosis is excellent and that they can expect to have no evidence of disease in less than a year.”. Please seek help. still is but getting better. For example, he also mentions the fact that, globally, reoffending rates among child sex offenders are relatively low and, despite population growth, child sexual abuse is dropping. Psychologists and psychiatrists have been searching for a cure for pedophilia for decades. He wants to seek help and so regrets not coming forward sooner to stop the abuse. Hi Believe16 It’s like… don’t I matter? We r talking about writing a book. I don’t understand how these sick creeps get out of prison and walk the streets.PLEASE we’ve got to protect our child and make very strict laws!!! My ex-husband molested and sexually abused 3 of our daughters- we had 6 children in total. To, Greyman ; I agree about mental illness. A pedophile is a person who is attracted to children, but not all people with pedophilia molest children. I have been depressed and on medication since I have been released from prison. Can we rephrase that to “a rapist or child rapist” or simply say, “rapist.”. My mom never let me write to him he has no idea how I look…I just got in contact with his mom my grandma that lives in a diff state she is really nice n cool….she gave him my number the phone conversation wasnot what I expected but he is just near me until he gets parole to move….I would like advice =/. The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Like for example the big would probably be something along the lines of getting a job. Sorry me again I just wanted to add that he did his time in prison and everything else he was suppose to do. Psychologists have still not reached an agreement about whether pedophilia is a sexual orientation or a mental illness. A bad father! I don’t believe at this point life imprisonment is the right solution. Meanwhile, when those who molest children have suppressed that shame and fully embraced and rationalized abusing children (becoming antisocial personalities) it is something that is hard to treat. You have to remember that energy doesn’t die it only changes form. I actually will forgive him…so he can peacefully be able to change, if he means what he says… all I know it’s between him and God. Studies have shown that non-pedophilic men can intentionally suppress erections when viewing erotic images simply by thinking about disgusting things, such as a filthy bathroom. He can protect ur heart. Some like myself become the protectors which is why I felt shame in not being able to protect my children. https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, If you would like to review some information about therapist/client confidentiality, you can review our page on the topic here: Knowing what I did and what the boys went through and may still be going though haunts me continually. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We saw your recent comments on this blog article and would like to thank you for sharing. I don’t plan on seeking counceling with him. Like they picked HIM over me! I will however visit him and seek rehab for him and a psychologist. One slip and I could descend again. Stop wasting time and money on jail sentencing!! Some states, such as California, mandate castration for offenders with multiple convictions as a condition of release. 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